We’ve all seen it. You’re leading a meeting. Tensions are high—things aren’t going to plan, and everyone feels it, including you. You ask a question designed to surface the problem, and … silence. No one volunteers a word. In an effort to draw people out, you say, “Hey everyone, this is a safe place — it’s time to speak up!” You may even call on someone directly.

But for those on the receiving end, this kind of exhortation can come across as tone-deaf — or worse, as further evidence that the environment isn’t psychologically safe. That’s frustrating, especially when the leader genuinely believes they have created a safe environment, at least when people are working directly with them.

Here’s the thing: psychological safety is not declared by leadership. It is felt by the people being led. You can’t tell someone they’re safe if their experience says otherwise. Psychological safety rests on trust — trust that when people speak up, leadership will respond thoughtfully, not defensively. And like all trust, it takes time to build and just one moment to break.

Silence in these moments isn’t neutrality. It’s often self-protection. People don’t stay quiet because they have nothing to say. They stay quiet because they’re calculating the risk of saying it.

Let’s take a common scenario: a planning meeting. Leadership outlines the work and makes it clear: “This all needs to happen.” There’s a quick mention of “If something doesn’t fit, let us know,” but that’s the fifth message after four variations of “Let’s get it done.” Someone tentatively says, “This won’t fit,” and is ignored, or worse, dismissed.

Leaders may believe they’re simply driving toward a plan. But for those in the room, the message is clear: don’t challenge the plan. So when the leader then says, “This is a safe place,” it rings hollow. Even if it’s said with genuine intent, it comes from a place of power; those in power already have more psychological safety than the people they’re asking to speak up. The net effect is the opposite of what was intended.

It’s also worth noting psychological safety isn’t about being comfortable. It’s about knowing you won’t be punished for being candid, even when the conversation is tough. Discomfort is part of the process; fear is what shuts it down.

Building organizational psychological safety takes consistent effort — something for a future post. But in the moment, when you need information urgently, you can still do things to increase situational psychological safety (Source: Amy Edmondson):

• Set the stage. Explain why speaking up matters. What do you need to know, and why? More importantly, what benefit does it bring to the people in the room?
• Invite engagement. Own your fallibility. Share your concerns. Acknowledge the part you may have played in creating the problem or dynamic. Be humble.
• Respond appreciatively. There’s no such thing as bad input. People will often test your response with something small before they raise what’s really on their mind. Treat every contribution seriously. Don’t shoot the messenger—show that you’re listening.

(As a side note, if all leaders consistently did this, it would go a long way toward establishing lasting psychological safety across the organization.)

So the next time you’re tempted to say, “This is a safe place,” pause. Instead—prove it.

If you want people to speak up when it matters most, they need to believe you’ll have their back, especially when what they say is hard to hear.

• “Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace” by Amy Edmondson